The last week of November was a very painful time for me. Hence there were no blog posts. I had no appetite in me to write down anything even though it was probably one of the most significant moments in my life.
I started the month recounting how November would be a different kind of November. Well, that was because I did intend it to be a different November. You see November would be the month that would have been truly memorable for me.
Except it wasn’t at all.
As much as I do want to forget this month, its important I take a few moments to just recap, recount and reflect on what had happened in the month of November. Without wanting to sound overly dramatic or exaggerate the event – two major things happened in November which both affected my professional and personal life.
Losing my Promotion – November 7th to be exact was the day that my company would announce the promotion decisions. I was confident I was going to get promoted. My boss at work was so confident he started setting expectations that as Senior Manager what would be required of me. Never in my career had this happened before. Most of the time, I would just have to wait for the news. But this time around, things were very certain. I was going to get promoted.
Except that it didn’t happen. Days leading up to the news, my boss once again had a chat with me over lunch to break the news that I didnt get promoted. I was shattered. 3 days before the official announcement, I found out I will not be getting promoted. To make matters worst, that day was also the wifey’s birthday and I was so completely shaken that I made a blunder of not remembering to celebrate her birthday.
I felt so disgusted with myself. I had not only failed at work, but also I had forgotten to celebrate my wife’s special day. I remember feeling horrible that day. Although wifey did accept my apology and tried her best to understand the circumstances I was in, she felt hurt and disappointed. It was a painful moment for me. How could I forget her birthday? And what a timing for the breaking of this news.
Losing my child – A day before the start of November, wifey had informed me she was pregnant! I was over the moon! I was excited and thankful that God had blessed us with another child. Wifey was also thrilled that she wrote me a card! The date was 31st October. I remember going to bed that night feeling ecstatically joyful so much so every 5 minutes I would turn to wifey and smile at her while saying “we’re gonna have another baby!”
The stress of November can hardly be estimated. My work demands were piling up as I was wrapping up my final consultancy study project. Having the burden of completing this task while accepting the fact I was not going to get promoted was too much to bear. Couple with the fact that things were not going so well for wifey at home given that we were staying at the in-laws while our house was being renovated made matters worse for us. We felt exasperated at times and the prolonged fatigues that we both were experiencing – me from my job and she from her pregnancy took a toll on us and towards the end of November, wifey had lost the baby.
November 30th to be exact was when we found out wifey had lost the baby. It was on a Saturday afternoon. It had been a very difficult time for us. Wifey had been going for her CGS training and towards the end, she didn’t manage to complete the course as she started to experience some bleeding. Despite interventions from the gynecologist to stabilize her pregnancy, in the end, we had to succumb to the loss.
Even as I write all this, there’s a certain heaviness in my heart. I guess that’s a testimony to the fact of the magnitude and gravity of how painful November was for the family. Towards the start of the week in December, my boss had heard what had happened and offered to give me a 2-day break from work which I took. We ended up staying at our friend’s place for some rest. I told wifey I needed to get away from the in-laws for a bit and just have a change of scene. It definitely did do us some good and slowly wifey began to also heal from the emotional trauma.
We are not out of the woods just yet. Ther are times I do see wifey feeling sad about the whole episode and there are times I feel hurt for not being recognized by the firm for my promotion. But we need to take this in our stride after all these are also life lessons and the downs in our lives that we need to go through.
But one thing is certain though in all of this – He is aware of what’s going on and both wifey and I have placed our trust and hope in Him. That’s how we are moving forward and carrying on with our lives.
p/s – to add more salt to our already painful period, our car decided to break down just 3 days after we lost our baby. Thank goodness it happened during my 2-day break so I could attend to the car.
