“Though all may have their faith in you shaken, mine will never be” – St. Peter assuring Jesus when the Christ fortells them of what is about to happen to Him
“…this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times” – Jesus’ reply to Peter. (Matthew 26:34)
Today’s gospel reading at mass commemorates the triumphal entry of the Christ into Jerusalem and a week later, his passion and death. Although I have listened to the narrative gospel on how Christ was betrayed, suffered and eventually executed for his “deeds” it doesn’t fail to leave a sorrowful impression on me on how frail we are as human beings.
The readings reminded me of how I too, at times would praise Jesus when things are looking good and shouting with all my heart “Hosanna in the highest!”. And even when I do ask for God to help me in my struggles and problems, like Peter, I too sometimes make promises which I can’t keep to the Lord.
The saddest part I guess would be when God does live out to the “other side” of the bargain whereas I don’t. Why? Well it’s because of sin, and because of my focus to get what I want and use all my bargaining prowess to strike a bargain with God, sometimes once I get what I want, I just conveniently forget what my end of the deal was.
And like Peter, when it comes to my senses ; when I do eventually realise that I had not lived up to my end of the bargain, or that I made a promise to our Lord and I had violated my promise, I too end up weeping and feeling pathetic about myself.
But here in lies the difference between Judas and Peter. While both felt remorsed about their actions, both chose two different resolutions to come to terms with their guilt. One chose repentance and the other chose suicide. One chose God’s forgiveness, the other chose to take matters into his own hands. One believed in god, the other doubted God’s mercy.
The question therefore isn’t so much about our own failed weaknesses or even so much our empty promises. Human beings being flawed creatures will always make mistakes. However, I believe that is where God’s strength will make up for it. (2 Cor 12:9). The question is would we allow ourselves to be forgiven by God? And if we do, our we sincere about it? Because presupposing God’s grace to me is also a sin. We can’t and should not take God’s mercy for granted.
It’s no doubt tough to be his disciples and to make promises to Him which we can’t keep. However, as St. Paul reminds us – “My grace is sufficient for you”
