Its hard to keep blogging about how difficult things have been. After a while, you slowly start becoming numb. I shared in my last post how I have turned to scripture for strength and spiritual sustenance during these dessert periods of my life – and while they have been an immense source of strength for me, man has it been a tough season for me and the wifey.
I suppose its also because wifey has had to bear the brunt of the responsibilities at home – on top of the chores she has had to coach N on his school work and using every window of opportunity she gets to do. It doesn’t help also that his school schedule was disrupted due to the major exams on-going in school which has resulted in his cohort having “off-days” which means more burden on the wifey to make sure he does keep up with his school work.
And on top of all this, the annual birthday celeberation season is once again upon us. Having almost back-to-back birthdays, and weddings and on top of all that, you compound with our houeshold and parental responsibilitiles, and its just becoming something that will eventually snap our backs.
And in the midst of all this, I am asking “Where are you Lord?” Its not that I dont believe God has abandoned me or anything like that – But like the Psalm 13 says – “How long more O Lord?” and I think that psalm really sums up my whole being and state of mind right now:
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
Despite the gloominess, I love how this Psalm ends – not in despair, not in hopelessness (even though there are some psalms that are far bleaker than this) but this Psalm reminds me that darkness and despair does not have th efinal say – that I am reminded to continue trusting in His faithfulness because “he has been good to me”
Tough seasons ahead, but I want to put my trust in God this time around and “lean not on my own understanding”.
p/s – Its funny because I wanted to start this post lamenting how tough things are and little did I know the Psalm i would pick for this post would end in hope – sometimes God has a way of reaching out, in ways very unexpected.
p/p/s – I know its also the birthday season and yet I have not written anything, reflecting on another year gone by – but truth be told, I am too overwhelmed by the season I am in that all I can think of is just to cling to Him – maybe thats worth blogging more rather than lamenting the state of my life.
