I always think that life by itself is not difficult as what most would perceive it to be : more often than not, it’s the people that interact with us that makes life difficult and unpleasant. Now you may be sitting there wondering “speak for thyself!” and go all “hmph” on me. But bear with me for abit. Of course sometimes the problems could be ourselves. Maybe we didnt do something right, maybe we didn’t say the right thing, maybe we mistakenly assumed something which caused someone else to be upset. Yes those things do happen and we are not perfect creatures.
But I’m not talking about the everyday nuances that we fall victim to. I am talking about major flaws which people refuse to correct themselves – and in fact rather indignantly tell others off that they should be the ones to change. I have observed such people in my work place and my own personal life. A friend of mine summarised this to be ego, that is the higher you go up in life (be it the older you get or the higher position you hold) the more ego you have and the less likelihood for you to overlook your flaws.
While this concept is prevalent and evident in our culture it baffles me all the more. I mean shouldnt the higher you get in life the more humble you should become? Why? because you have gone through that road, you know how naive sometimes some people can be, at the end of the day, you ought to know better than to throw your weight around and make life generally difficult for others around you.
However I believe this has something to do with self awareness and Daniel Goleman talks about how crucial self awareness is in building high emotional intelligence. Lets face it, we MUST interact with society. We cannot choose to live in an island and expect our needs to be catered. We play a part in society, be it big or small and dealing with people is an everyday skill which sadly more and more people are lacking.
However having said that I have also observed that there are people who generally do try to make your life bearable. Not to say they just kotow to your every whimp and fancy but they follow a certain pattern which toward the end of the outcome allows both parties to be satisfied. I have observed:
- Respect – these individuals first and foremost do show respect to whoever they are talking to, be it someone junior or senior. They don’t change their tones or their attitudes.
- Listen – These individuals take time to listen to you. They don’t cut you halfway (provided you don’t go on and on whinning on the same issue) and you can sense that you have been genuinely heard by them
- Tact – These individuals take the time to tailor their communications to you based on your personality. As such they are tactful in their approach – some people respond better with a gentle reprimand, some respond better with being direct and these individuals are able to read and respond accordingly
- Compromise – As I said these individuals will not kowtow and bend over for you, however they will often try to seek a compromise and bring a fair deal to the table. And what amazes me is that they do try to make the effort to meet you halfway down the line.
In conclusion, I think it really boils down to just common sense and having a combination sense of empathy and tactfulness. As the golden rule so wisely states – do unto others as you would others do unto you…. Now if only people could practice what they preach hah!
