I was upset today. Something happened and it got me wound up. As I went about my day I thought to myself “how can this person do this to me?” Then the other part of me started speaking up “whoa, I thought someone wanted to change, to be a better person? What happened to that?”. I was furious and at the same time struggling to understand my feelings and emotions. On one had I longed to be this better person, to be magnanimous in my demeanour and actions. But on the other hand I was also dealing with the sense of being snubbed of and this upseted me. This conflict and torn of feelings. I felt let down and dejected.
Then a thought occurred to me. As I found myself mentally jostling with God about my feelings and thoughts, a thought occurred to me which I had recalled long ago. On how god gives opportunities for us to grow in virtues. And of all places I learnt that from Evan Almighty. Check out the video clip below:
God doesn’t wave his magic wand and give us a virtue immediately. Instead he gives us opportunity to develop those virtues. You want to be loving? Use that opportunity to love those difficult people around you. You wanna be more disciplined at work? Use the opportunity at work to develop it. I have always believed that when you put effort into it, and with God’s blessing things work out.
So the same thing it goes for my own upsetting feeling today. True I was upset and I was torn apart in both ways. On one hand I wanted to be magnanimous but on the other hand I was feeling the hurt and pain. By praying and letting go I was able to choose the former even though it was really difficult. Did I mention the hurt and the pain?
But that’s how God works. When we pray, instead of giving us straight ready-to-consume answers, He gives us opportunities. Like how a math teacher will give her students clues on how to solve the equation on the blackboard. She doesn’t solve it for him, but neither does she neglect him. She gives him an opportunity to answer by giving him clues. At times of course God does bless us with gifts which we don’t deserve. But most of the time He gives us opportunities to be that better person we all want to be. The question therein lies with us – what do we then do with these opportunities?
