So I am now a father of an 8-month old infant. I suppose in some ways Noah has taught me more than I have taught him about this next phase in my life. He has taught me what it truly means to be a father.
Modeling after my own dad, I always thought that being a father meant to make sure you provide a roof for your family and to ensure u have food on the table. I never did look at the father figure of one with great importance other than just being a competent provider. I suppose this was the typical fatherhood experience among the baby boomer generation.
But being a father in the 21st century is a far cry from being a dad from the 80s. The demands have certainly changed and for very good reason. Growing up and immersing in the Internet age where answers are available to you in seconds, you suddenly find yourself at a loss for words and experience when it comes to managing a kid. No amount of googling and reading will prepare you for fatherhood at today’s age despite the plethora of information that is available out there.
The next thing you need to ask yourself is this : what kind of father do you aspire to be? It’s a far more clear-cut answer to figure out your career path plan than it is to figure out your fatherhood plan. The role models for one are lesser and there is no right or wrong when it comes to fatherhood. There is no right one canonical way to raise your kid and to be a dad. There are no checklists and “right answers” to parenting in an age where one googles for anything and everything in the world and also out of this world.
And yet everyday I feel as though I am learning something. In the midst of trudging through the daily grind and striving for excellence in the most minute task (making sure Noah doesn’t cry too much while I bathe him or ensuring i have properly secured his diaper (we use a tape diaper on him), I realise its not so much of achieving efficiency – although at times it could be so mechanical and routine – but rather its about building a bond, a relationship, and possibly even a budding friendship with my Son. That is me learning something new every day ; having these insights, learning that its not about sticking to my watch and schedule, instead its about watching my Son grow right before my very eyes. It’s but a fleeting moment that can sometimes truly past “in a blink of an eye” if you don’t pause and take in what is happening to you.
Life in Singapore is the ultimate rat race. Though I may not have worked internationally across the globe, its suffice to say that the working culture here is awful for family upbringing. Yes, there are parents who do raise and have raised kids – some of them being extremely congenial – but I don’t think I personally could raise my child in this place. I have plans and ambitions for Noah and his future siblings. Plans that weave in and are aligned to my family values. And its important I guard these values and not adulterate them with the secular world.
There is still time. The future for my family is just at the tip of the iceberg with many more miles to go deep and make a profound and lasting impact in the lives of my children, starting with Noah. As a Father, that’s my prerogative. And it starts by putting that little guy first. Day by day, small sacrifices after small sacrifices, eventually all this will pay off. Time will tell whether I would be a good Father in hindsight.
Happy Father’s Day!
