“If you’re not going do it properly don’t do it!” my mom would sternly remind us as we used to do the house chores. Growing up, mom had a sense of perfection which she instilled in her children. I can’t say much about what kinda impact that rubbed on my siblings, but for me, I never actually took it all that seriously to heart. I mean I would do things primarily out of fear when I was growing up – to avoid the wrath of The Mother.
In today’s world, especially in the workplace, we still aim for perfection. In the consulting world, your supervisors would expect you to follow the same formatting to the letter. I remember when I first started out in consulting how particular my partners were and my supervisors were in terms of the size, font color and of course the font that you used in presentation slides so much so sending your work for review was akin to being summoned to the principal’s office.
But throughout the years, as I became a supervisor and eventually a manager myself, I began to question this whole idea of perfection and began to think whether there is a dark side to perfection. This notion of perfection having a dark side is well depicted in the movie “Whiplash” where a dysfunctional relationship exists between the student ( Andrew) and the mentor/teacher (Terence). Just like in the movie, most people are pushed to the edge for the one prime reason : to be the best you can be and to never settle.
There is much to learn from the movie. Go watch it, if you haven’t seen it yet. The problem with perfection is one of many folds. Many a times you do wonder whether we really want the protege or student or child to succeed because we ourselves have failed? Are we projecting ourselves to our students or children because of our shortcomings (ergo, the need to perfection to rectify the gaps) or do we truly want our young padawans to succeed because we believe in them?
In my consulting days, as I rose up the ranks, I began to take a different approach. I saw the perils that other young analysts had to endure with other supervisors/managers. Lack of direction yet expecting so much – why? Because this is considered “ a rite of passage – a baptism of fire” if you may. But is this really necessary? Is this how we “break people” so that to rebuild them? I hear my peers (managers) telling me that its essential to break them so that they become stronger.
“After all, we too went through this bro” would be their defence answer in justifying their means to an end.
I would often think silently : yes, we went though this but it doesn’t mean they need to go through it as well – and this kind became my way of dealing wit this issue. While I can be quite demanding I decided to also be abit loose where it allowed. And I realize giving some leeway to my analysts allowed them to further flourish in their own right. They not only could deliver great work, but they could do so, with confidence and quality. That was what amazed me when I first experimented on this approach. It actually worked! Sure, they many not have been exactly to my specifications, but it was still of quality work which clients accepted and my managers accepted as well.
Therefore I have come to believe that perfection really is more preference. Its not really about helping the individual succeed, but it’s more of meeting our own needs – to help us feel fulfilled. Its a vicarious experience. And its unfortunate to know because of our obsessive preferences which we can’t satisfy ourselves through our own capabilities, we end up running and in the process breaking and ruining someone else’s life.
Now having said that, I am not advocating mediocrity. I am not certainly supportive of half-baked work where there is no effort or crappy effort from the student. However there is a tipping point and a correlation between pressure, stress, grit and performance.
You can imagine it like a graph, where pressuring is required in the initial phases to reach a certain optimum, an apex if you like. Once that optimum point is met, chances are the person is already at 90% quality. It’s now the remaining 10% that managers, supervisors and coaches often fail. We think we need to push them even more, to drill them harder, but think about it, drilling them harder (increasing the x axis figure) will only bring down their performance in the long run (reduce in y axis). This curve than becomes like an inverted U shape graph. Instead, to reach perfection (and by that I mean coaching the student to reach that 10%) allowing some room for them to discover and grow while guiding will bring them to a higher level of performance (after the apex point the graph moves up and curves higher)
In conclusion, I think its poignant and wise to reflect whenever we think about perfection. What does perfection really mean? Are we striving for competence and excellence, or are why instead just striving to have a vicarious experience? I think perfection as a whole is not bad, but obsessing over it for selfish gains is. Think about it.
