This essay focuses more on my school experiences…my next essay focuses on the tuition experiences.
As a child, I hated school. I hated doing homework, I hated showing my report card to my parents, I hated having to tell my mum to come to school to meet with my teacher (teacher obviously requested it!). I hated my classes. I hated the ride to my school. I would do anything not to go to school – fake an ilnness mostly. I hated waking up at the wee hours of the morning and having to slog through the day. It would be many many years later before I would come to love education and to study. It’s a marvel to me personally as I reflect where I am right now and how far I have come in terms of learning to love education and knowledge. (Incidentally one of my favourite topics that I enjoy reading these days is Philosophy – and philosophy actually means love of wisdom!). But it wasn’t always so.
As I mentioned earlier I hated going to school. Ever since I was in standard 1, I would dread 12.00 pm because that would be the time the army driver would come and pick me up. I would plead with mum and really cry when it came for time for me to go to school so much so there were times mum would have to make a “fake-call” to the school to tell the teacher not to beat me or hurt me. Only then I would stop crying. Because I was in the afternoon session, school started at 1.30 pm and would finish by 6.15 – 6.30 pm. I can’t really remember the schedule in detail. And I remember seeing my second brother finishing school (he was in the primary 6 morning session) and as the army driver would drop me, they would pick up my brother to drop him home. Oh how I longed at times to just tag along with him and just run back home!
As a student, I was medicore. I was a sub-par student who didn’t give a damn about my studies but would feel guilty and terribly upset whenever my mum had to come and meet my teacher. It wasn’t that I was stupid (now when I look back) but I just didn’t like doing homework. I never took my primary education serious enough to the point it began to worry my parents as they started wondering what would happen to me. Both my siblings were better students than I was and they both excelled in their studies – something I could never achieve or live up to.
But then again I myself did not make the effort on my part. I would think I am making the effort by working through those workbooks, but I know it was more for my parents sake I was going through those workbooks rather than my own learning sake. I didn’t care about education, I would often look in front of the TV and do my homework at times – a bad habit which distracted me and caused my mother to often times scold me.
I went to 2 primary schools – one was St. Xaviers Primary at Brother James Road in Pulau Tikus where I completed my standard 1 education. I continued on my Primary 2 education in St Xaviers but this around I was in the morning session, as so this was a new experience for me as I got to go to school with my older siblings, who were studying in St. Xaviers INsitution, the secondary school which I would go to eventually in a few years later. Nevertheless riding to school with my siblings made me feel a little more secured in some ways; I didn’t feel as alone or abandoned. And because my primary school would finish earlier, the army driver would pick me up first before picking up my siblings. Again it was comforting for me to see them and be with them again during the ride back home.
Sometime toward the middle of my primary 2 education, mum decided to transfer me off to another St Xaviers Primary branch school; this was in Air Item, which was much closer to mum’s workplace, the YWCA Kindergarten. This would allow mum to pick me up after she was done work so that I need not wait until 2.30 pm to reach home like my other siblings. And because it was still St. Xaviers, mum did not mind. For me, I don’t recall whether I was upset with the decision to change schools. Maybe I was too young back then to form any real friendships with my friends. Although I did keep in touch with one of my friends from the old Pulau tikus school, eventually I would make new friends in the Air Item school ; some of them would go on to be my friends up till from 5 and beyond!
My disinterest in education and studies continued on in the Air Item school. I didn’t care too much about my studies and it didn’t help that I didn’t have that great teachers I guess. I would later come to realize (much later in fact) on how the Malaysian education system just did not work for me – the way it was taught (which is to memorize and just spill out the facts) did not appeal to me – although later on I would come to accept and develop creative ways to help me memorize my work). And so my studies began going down the drain. By the time I reached standard 5, we were streamed by ranking, so that means the top 40 students got 1st class and the 2nd 40 students got 2nd class and so on. I fell in the 2nd class and this would go on until Primary 6 where we would need to sit for our first public major exam – the UPSR – The Primary Evaluation Examination.
If you were to score straight As in your UPSR, you would be guaranteed a first class in Form 1 at St. Xaviers Institution. Because SXI was the major hub for incoming students from both the Pulau Tikus school and the Air Item school, it had 8 classes, 3 1st classes, 3 2nd classes and 2 3rd classes. Getting 4As or 3As would put you in the top 3 classes. I only managed to get a result which put me in the 2nd class. I remember the early days of my Form 1 experience being utterly miserable. The students were rowdy, the class was noisy and more importantly, my friends from the Air Item school were in a different class. I pleaded with my mum to transfer me to another 2nd class. I couldn’t take the class that I was in. Eventually I got moved to a much decent class where my friends were. I remember even meeting with the form teacher and I promised him that I would work hard and do my best in his class.
But my laziness and ignorance caught up with me. Like a disease that wouldn’t go away, I began slipping in my grades. It wasn’t that I was failing all my subjects, but I was certainly sub-par once again, often time finishing in the middle of the pack while my peers would come in top 5 in the class.
Because streaming was done on a yearly basis as you moved up, once again my grades caused me to stay in second class when I reached Form 2 while my friends (the ones who were in the decent form 1 class with me) all moved up to the 1st classes. It was a blow to my confidence, but I didn’t really know what or how to do. Were the tuition classes that I was attending not good enough? Was I not taking my studies seriously? Was I maybe just not 1st class material afterall?
This doubt continued on as I progressed to Form 3 where once again I failed to make it to 1st class and had to stay put in 2nd class. This was the year where I would have to face another major public exam – PMR – the Lower Secondary Assessment examination where candidates would need to sit for 7 papers including Math, Geography and Science. The results from this exam would be used to determine whether you got into science or arts stream and back in my day, the arts stream was usually where the average and below average kids went to. Smart kids with good grades would often choose science over arts as it allowed greater flexibility.
Because I didn’t manage to get an A for my science, I was defaulted to the arts stream. Not only was I devastated, but for the first time I could feel the disappointment of my parents. My mother in particular did not know what else to do with me. I remember her telling my dad once about how bleak my future looked as I overheard their conversation from the staircase. I remember that moment; it was my lowest moment ever. I had disappointed my parents, and myself. My laziness, my ignorance to not take my studies seriously was bearing fruit and leading me to disaster. I didn’t know what else to do. I still remember my days in the arts stream class. I would sometimes think what my friends in the science stream classes would be doing. While the class got rowdy during intermissions (where 1 teacher would leave and another would come) I would diligently try to study, telling myself to not be like the others, and to focus on my studies, but I know deep down it was just a farce. I knew no matter how much I tried, I had disappointed my parents.
In an uncanny twist of fate, it so happened that in my year (1999), there were a number of students from the science-stream who wished to switch over to the arts stream. As a result, there were a number of slots that were available for arts stream student who wished to join the science stream. This had never happened before for as long as I could remember. But space was limited, and as with all things in life, demand exceeded the supply – there were more Arts students who wanted to move into the science stream then there were slots that were available. I believe there were only around 8 slots and there were about 20 of us who wanted to get in. But getting in would require one to write sort of like an entrance exam to qualify. You could call it a qualifying exam to test the candidate’s aptitude in the sciences. Was this my second chance at attempting to really prove something to myself, and more importantly to my parents?
And so I began preparing for that exam. I began revisiting my science topics and really worked at it. The day of the exam came and I remember all 20-odd of us were ushered to a science lab to write the exam. The days that followed were dry and long. As I ploughed through my daily arts-stream schedule I would long for any news or announcement from the science-stream camp. Did I make the cut?
About 1-2 weeks later, the news finally came. The coordinator who was in charge of the science stream class came to the arts-stream section to let candidates know to pack their bags and move out. The coordinator came to my class and announced the candidates who will be moving out to science stream. My name was called and I remember that moment being one of my highest moments in my life. For once, I have achieved something. I remember just packing my bags and heading down to the school hall because apparently there was a reshuffle of the science classes. I suspect perhaps it was because there were too many students who scored very high marks in the PMR examination thus forcing the school to reshuffle the students to provide a more balance population and following from this reshuffling, the school would then stream students once again at their senior year (form 5).
Although I was in the 3rd science class I was fortunate to be in the company of such brilliant people ; people who have always been in the 1st classes in their lower secondary years. Their zeal for academic excellence had an effect on me and the effects of their dedication and pursuit to do well in studies rubbed off on me. I remember feeling honored to sit with a class mate who had done extremely well in his PMR examination. I remember my first few weeks in my science stream class, it felt so surreal. Like here I was in the company of really smart and dedicated students. And I guess this is the first of many encounters which I will come to learn and experience the powerful and profound impact peer pressure and environmental factors can have on an individual.
I had to admit though, being in the science stream class didn’t mean much if you were constantly failing and seeing red in your report card. This was the case for me. I did in fact struggle with the new science subjects. But somehow I never did finish last in my class, which surprised me because I really did think I was probably the dumbest kid in that class. Afterall, I was a reject, not a native science-stream student who got through via proper means. (i.e. – meeting the requirements of getting an A in Science in the PMR examinations). But thankfully and by God’s grace, I had the opportunity to be under the tutelage of very dedicated teachers – teachers whom I would go on to visit and drop by even years after completing my high school. I have to admit that these teachers played a pivotal role in my life.
Towards the end of the year, in our final examination, I scored enough marks to barely make it to 2nd class. This was a step up for me as this would be the 2nd time in my entire school career that I actually made progress (the 1st was when I got into the science stream class). It was a significant boost for my morale and confidence, because it was at that moment, the moment that I made it to 2nd class in my senior year that I realized that I am not that stupid afterall, dismissing the myths that I used to think during my lower secondary years. For once, I believed in myself and I was happy. There would be a few times during my school career where I would literally use the school payphone to call Mum about news. The 1st time was when I got into the science-stream; the 2nd time would be this moment, to tell her that I would be moving to a better class in my senior year.
My senior year would turn out to be one of my most memorable years in school. I was glad to make the friends in my senior year, people whom I never thought I would be friends with, people whom considered me their peer and their friend. And mind you, as I moved toward 2nd class, I was in the league of smarter and more capable individuals. But it didn’t deter me from pushing my own weight. Armed with a new sense of belief (which I never had at all) I did well in my senior year and finally doing well in my last major public examination, the SPM. The culmination of my SPM result was truly a happy ending for my high school career where I ended doing well in Math, Biology and Chemistry – pure science subjects which I was told would be too difficult to handle as I made the transition to science-stream two years before. I did comparatively as well as my peers and this is something that I am personally proud of myself till today and perhaps it might explain why I often believe in people and am willing to spend time working with people to help them achieve their fullest potential.
My success in the SPM examination further built my confidence and in my ability to achieve academic success. Granted I would not be a college valedictorian or be consistently on the college deans list, but I was far more driven and I believe this would be the start of my driven nature to give a 100% in everything I did – something which I never did have during my tween years. My drive would perhaps be as a result to make up for some sense of lost time – which made it more sense why I was far more driven in college.
If my senior year was a memorable event for me, the same could be said about my college years, particularly in my 2 years at Inti International College Penang (IICP) where I enrolled in the American University Programme (AUP). The American-style education system suited me really well. The grading system was different from the british based system which I was used to. Grade Point Averages (GPA) scores was used to measure your academic success. I would later learn throughout my course that it is actually easy to pass subjects in the AUP system but it was harder to get high grades – whereas in the british system, it was more difficult to even pass but scoring As were easier as it the distinction level was much lower. For example, a 72% would get you an A in a british based paper, but would only get you a B in the American system.
But somehow for some strange reason, I thrived in the American based grading system. I still remember taking English Writing, Psychology, Calculus and Introductory Computing during my 1st semester. It was such a different atmosphere and feeling to what school was. For starters, there were GIRLS in my class. Secondly, I only had to concentrate on 4 papers and write a final exam toward a the end of a semester which lasted only for about 4-5 months. But it was at this time where I learnt freedom – I hung out with my friends, my friends would give me rides back home. Lecturers did not force you to do anything you didn’t want to do – if you didn’t pass up your assignment, you just got a zero. The timing for me to be inducted into this approach of education could not be better – my driven nature forced me to take my subjects seriously – and as a result, I did well in my college years which would further propel me to do even better when I moved over to Canada.
The friends I made during college were mostly Chinese, with a mix of both boys and girls. But again, I never did feel left out from the group – everyone spoke in English, everyone treated everyone with love and respect. Because some of us came from English-medium schools, we could easily communicate with each other, and right there a bond was formed among us so much so we would organize lunches and day-out trips together. We would drive out in between classes for lunch, we would hang out watching movies together and we would make sure we would be back in time for our classes. The one thing I loved about my friends was that we took studies seriously but we also knew how to enjoy our college life responsibly. We never did step overboard or get into any trouble. This was the group that also was instrumental in forming the AUP Club, where I would become its first Club founder and President and my committee consisted of the same bunch of friends I made in my 1st semester. My most memorable time with this group of friends would be in our 3rd semester where we all decided collectively to sign up for Public Speaking and Drama course. This course was personally instrumental in helping me develop my ability to speak publicly – something that I would use later on as a Teaching Assistant and in my career.
Like how my football group disintegrated after the SPM results were out, my group of core friends also eventually split as all of us moved on to prepare to go to the US for further studies. I was the only one that went to Canada instead. But I will always remember this group of friends – and how we hung out together during our first semester and culminated our friendship as a group in the drama class. Ironically, as a final project for our drama class, we were supposed to come out with a play and I co-wrote the script with one of the girls in my group and we titled it “A circle of friends”.
After I came back from Canada, I hardly saw any of them until lately when some of us met up for a friend’s wedding. But that was it.
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