Understanding pain and suffering

Sadly I have not read the epic book by CS Lewis (you have to forgive me Clive!) ; still I want to talk about this issue today. Why is pain a problem? Why is it we have pain? Why is there such a horrible thing as pain in the first place?

My aunt and I were debating and sharing our views on pain and suffering just the other day as we were waiting for my mum to complete her CT and X-ray scans. Like many of the pathetic victims we saw in the hospital that day, my mother was not spared. Since February, she’s been battling with leiomyosarcoma,  a rare type of cancer which attacks smooth muscles in the body. In fact so rare is this disease, it affects every 4-6 out 100,000 people. And yes, my mother has contracted THIS cancer, and let me just say, it’s been a real uphill struggle. To see my mother day-in-day-out in the hospital, grimacing with pain is both a physical struggle for her and a mental strain for us family members. There are days where she just wants to give her life up, to quit fighting, to just surrender, and in such moments, we feel really hapless.

 Why Is There Pain?

Despite the unpleasentness and the unwelcome sight of pain, it serves its purpose for a reason, but physically and mentally. Granted no one wishes to experience the feeling of being hurt, whether it’s physically, emotionally or mentally, pain exists for many reasons, for the obvious part, pain protects us.  Think about it, when you have a braised wound, or a cut, while you’re agonizing in pain, the little red blood cells are busily working to clot and seal the cut so as to prevent foreign body from invading the body. Or when you’re screaming in the dental chair when the dental surgeon is removing a decaying tooth or drilling your molars; if he doesn’t do those things, there’s a high risk of other teeth getting infected, or the affected tooth being vulnerable to plaque, which leads to decaying of the tooth.

What about emotional wounds and mental aggravation? Sure maybe physical pain (sometimes!) may yield benefits at the end of it all (no pain no gain mentality), but what about emotional trauma? – The abusing father, the bad string of relationships, the uncaring grown-up son, the selfish sibling, the unhappy boss,  the insensitive husband- all these “people-based relationships” always lead to emotional trauma. Either these “evil” people are too insensitive and unfavorably responsive to us, or we just t00 sensitive to them.  Most of the time, it’s the former excuse that we use to abet ourselves in understanding why people act the way they do.

Trying to make of it all

It’s not easy to understand pain, especially emotional suffering. Isn’t it plain common sense to see that being insensitive, being abusive, having an uncaring attitude will end up hurting others in the long run?

I for one personally think the reason behind emotional traumas is simply this : We lack basic sensitivity concern to people around us. Look around us, we’ve grown to the point where we’ve become so selfish, so self-caught up with our own agendas and lives, we forget about those around us. We ridicule and say abusive things, not so much to correct the other person, but for our own personal gratification/satisfaction and stress release.

It’s only when the victim breaks down – sudden outburst, a suicide note, overdose on drugs, runs away from home –  that’s when we (that too maybe only some of us will) realize where we’ve been wrong. It’s only at that moment we realize that perhaps maybe we were too harsh and that we were uncaring. Whatever remose and guilt feeling we have right now, it just maybe too late.  The person is no longer there, the victim has taken her own life, the divorce has already been finalized… it’s just too late to do anything except to dwell in regret.

Concluding Thought

Pain and suffering goes beyond just physical pain. It also extends to the emotional realms of a human being.  While physical pain at times can’t be controlled especially when its meant to bring out a greater good, emotional pain and suffering and be managed. It’s important to note that I’m not advocating we try to eradicate emotional pain completely. Some levels of emotional suffering is required for mental growth and maturity. (You can’t keep dancing to the demands of your 7-8 year old son at the toy store can you?). However abusive words, displaying uncaring attitudes, hurtful thoughts, those things can be controlled by us, those are things we can do something about them….before its too late.

Author’s note : my mum passed away 2 weeks ago, she fought on till the very end but lost her life to cancer… it’s alright, the family is coping well… sometimes you just need to let go