6 Months Later

6

Precisely 6 months ago I was dumped to do something shitty at work. Initially I thought things would be ok, that all that was needed was just to provide some managerial oversight to the remaining functions that would needed to be deployed at work.

I have to admit – I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when I said yes to taking on the role. I had just delivered a grueling 13 month project in my maiden Project Manager role – a role that I came to realise didn’t really suit me that well. As I had told my career counselor for the particular role – Its a role I can do but I am not too sure whether I can necessarily do it well

But deliver the project I sure did. At what price, was another question and while I was ruminating on the last 13 months and in particular my contributions as a Project Manager, I was quickly assigned to handle this piece of a crappy work to do. It felt I didn’t have much time to even reflect, let alone plead my case that I was unqualified for the role. I still remember being in a daze during the cruise trip we took back in December – trying to make sense of the past while not giving much thought towards what would hit me in the coming months.

The task was difficult for me to manage – partly due to my inexperience of handling technical projects but also in part that the team I was given at the start of the role was weak and incapable. Besides, more effort and resources were required to move the needle for these functions – a request I had put in multiple times with no concrete outcomes which left me exasperated at the end of it all.

From constantly changing the timelines on a weekly basis, knowing full well I wouldn’t be able to make it on those timelines to dealing with the client every week and just bashing myself through it and enduring the verbal lashings (which I often felt should not have been directed at me as I did not cause this mess in the first place!), my confidence began to chip away until I was hitting rock bottom. There was nothing to hope for but to keep on pushing.

And while I was badly struggling at the work front, there was a glimmer of hope in all of this mess. The news that wifey was pregnant left me in higher spirits – something to look forward to after 1.5 years of trying to conceive. It was truly something totally unexpected that baffled the both of us. This was because we didn’t even try for this round.

The journey of the baby these last 6 months were also something new for us. There were times we thought we would lose the child, especially in the early weeks when the spotting was more prevalent and was occurring more regularly. From rushing to the clinic multiple times in a week, to taking a few days off so that wifey could rest, all these events left me on edge at times, wondering what was going to happen next.

Things of course did perk up by April and by then we found out we were going to have a girl! This piece of news truly brought a lot of delight in my heart. To finally have a child, and that too a daughter was a true gift and blessing from God which I felt very thankful for. I just felt in all of these challenges and difficulties, not just in the last 6 months but even before that, that God was really in control of everything and that I could learn to trust on Him once again, just as how I did 6 years ago when I got the job in the red dot.

6 months has passed since all the events mentioned above has transpired. I am amazed that I have come this far and I know I wouldn’t have done it without God. He has been the constant in everything that was changing and twirling around in my life.

When I was fumbling with the client, or stressing out before those dreadful painful meetings, He was there

When I was down and dejected, and yet I had to send those stupid daily status updates, He was there

When wifey got COVID and I had to take care of things for a week, He was there.

When I felt totally abandon at times He was there

When the gynae first showed us the scan o our baby and confirmed it was a girl, He was there

During all those times He was there. During those seasons, those ups and downs He was there. And for that, I give thanks and praise to Him. I don’t know at the end of the day, what the future will hold, but I do know that He will be there – His constant hand guiding mine. I need not live in fear anymore, or in doubt or anxiety – He will be there. I think that sums up my experience in the last 6 months. What a valuable life lesson for me

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