This weekend’s readings were about loving God. As the priest expounded on love during his homily at mass earlier today, my mind went in tangent. I was not ruminating on what the priest was explaining about, but I was thinking about love…more precisely I was thinking about loving God.
I can somehow understand when people these days tell me “how am I suppose to love God when there’s so many bad things happening around me?” or “how am I suppose to believe in a God that cares when right now, despite me pleading for His help and guidance, He’s offered me nothing.”
How do you expect me to love someone so slient? And that too with all my heart, soul and mind? You have GOT to be kidding me!
True enough, our God is a strange God. If you read through the history of the bible, in the begining God wasn’t like that. He lavished everything on man, his greatest prized possession. He gave him dominion over all the animalia kingdom. Man could freely communicate and God could see man face to face.
We all know what happened after that. Fast forward in time, and then came Egypt. The Israelites were in captive for 400 years! I wondered whether many people during that 400 slave year period cried out to God for help and set themselves up for dissapointment when He became silent again…
How are we suppose to love God when He’s silent?
Aha, but if we read all through Exodus and up to the book of Numbers, we see that God actually does talk to his people. He draws himself close to His people when He liberates them out of Egypt. And what did his people do? Well for starters they built a golden calf, they whinned to Uncle Mo (Moses) every other day, they were basically cursing God for bringing them to a desolate dry land… and this wasn’t for a week, or 3 months….this was for 40 years!
Then came Jesus. God himself, dwelt among us unworthy sinners. He ate like anyone of us, drank like anyone of us, slept like anyone of us, laughed, cried, smiled, joked, empathized and so on. And yet, people were only interested in Him for his signs, people were interested in him cuz they talk he was a circus freak, an entertainer, who gave free food at his gatherings. At the end, he was killed, for something he didn’t even commit.
My point is this : It’s not that we can’t love God, it’s rather we sometimes choose not to. And although we don’t openly say “Screw you” to His face directly, our actions speak for us. We let God know He has let us down by our deeds toward him, such as skipping mass, not taking His word seriously, not praying much and talking to Him, engaging in activities that He has said no to.
And what’s wrong with that? I’m dissapointed, I have a right to be dissapointed with someone who has upsetted me. Afterall he left me all alone when I cried up to him for help. Why should he deserve my affection and love?
I don’t claim to know the absolute answer to this often asked question. But I do know that God is more alive than anyone else, and I do know every time I sin by doing something deviant and which is not “pleasing in His eyes” I am indirectly saying “I don’t love you God” and I’m nailing an innocent man to a cross.
There are days where God has also been silent in my life, and during most of these periods, I am sucked and indulged by the world’s pleasures and thrills. God takes a back seat, and I don’t think of him much. During these periods, I gotta admit, the temptation to skip mass and just continue indulging myself with my worldly pleasures is very tempting.
But everytime what happens is I do end up going to mass. I don’t know why. It’s not so much because of friends or the priest or anything superficial and physical. I guess it’s just one of those things that you just do, like going to watch your son’s football game even though you’re not in the best of terms with him, or visit your dad every month, even though you’ve had a sour and bitter relationship with him over the last couple of years. The same goes for Mass. I go because, I want to be with God. I want God to know that I still love Him, even though it’s not a very intimate and strong love, it is love nonetheless. Even though I sometimes can’t feel Him around, I still go, hoping that He will come through and once again reignite the flame.
And to tell you the truth, it has happened to me so many times. There have been times where I’ve been so alone, and He has come just at the right moment, and no it’s not via divine interventions and heavens parting ways. It comes in the most simplest ways such as getting a “well done” note from my boss or colleagues, or somehow I am suddenly able to solve my problem at work, (even though I didn’t pray for it). It comes in the most simplest form such as friends asking me how I’m doing and inviting me to join with them for dinner. Simple things ya know. Simple things to remind me that “I’m still here…you better believe it!”
So tell me, how is it NOT possible for me to love my God with all my heart,soul and strength. To me God has become like family, in fact more than family. Sure there are things he does which I can’t comprehend, and sometimes I just don’t want to crack my head over, (just like when my mom used to do things I couldn’t understand when I was a kid, I would write in my diary that I thought mum was mad because she was mad). Family members go through life with ups and downs, and it’s the same way with God, but it’s only better in the sense that God uses those downs to bring about something positive in the future.
I know it’s all wishy washy, mushy mushy talk, but I believe it will all my heart.soul and mind when people say that God has a purpose for everyone….who holds on to Him. Even when hope seems lost, when what you’ve prayed for has not been answered, God is right there working something with you. It’s whether you want to let him continue working with you.
You better believe it…
