As last week began, I didn’t realize that my birthday would be fast approaching; that I would turn 25 by the end of the week. In fact I was too engrossed with my recent Nikon D60 DSLR purchase (it was my birthday gift for myself!) I didn’t really think about the implicit implications of me turning 25.
It only struck me today morning when I woke up. I realized that time is running short on my plans of returning back to Academia. Each day, day by day, the clock ticks and my plans to materialize my post graduate research ambitions draw closer. It doesn’t help that I haven’t even started studying for my GMAT exam. It doesn’t help that all I’ve done this year (well at least for most of the time) is look at prospective universities over and over again, and not do anything solid or concrete about it.
It doesn’t help the fact that I also recently jumped jobs, and I must admit, the adjusting period is taking longer than expected due to the fact I’m not really assigned to any project yet!! There is some anxiety every single night when I try to recollect my last thoughts of the day. The ambiguity that I face at work sometimes affects me. If there’s something new that I’ve learnt about myself, it’s probably the fact that I CAN’T STAY IDLE.
So the day greeted me with a sort of a dawning thought.
“What are you doing? Whatever happened to your post graduate plans?”
“Are you even remotely interested in pursuing PG and being in academia, or is it just too hard for you now?”
These thoughts kept me pondering. I wonder where did my zeal to fulfil my dreams go? Did it go along with mum? Or the alluring fact that I’ve established myself comfortably over here and the thought of uprooting myself and travelling halfway across the globe to pursue some possible childish dream seems too daunting and overbearing?
Why not just settle for a simple life? Why chase after some dream you had as an undergrad?
I want to pray and sleep on this tonight.
