Hospital stays are never pleasant for anyone. It’s a very sterile place (for right reasons of course) and you often spend most of your time in bed feeling helpless as people come in and out. Oh and there’s also that constant barraging from nurses checking in on you to see you haven’t died yet. Or something like that. Looking at those nurses come in and out to check in on Wifey, I couldn’t help but wonder whether they really cared for my wife or whether they were merely following their rigid protocols.
But yet here we are. We had somewhat crossed a finished line on a map that lasted over nine long months. And while it was a great feeling, to finally be here, we both felt that it was actually the start. Noah would now become a part of our lives moving forward. How would we cope as new parents?
The first few days in hospital was tough on me personally. While I was so happy that both child and mother were both safe and sound, I felt alone. I remember soon after Noah was born and wheeled away to the nursery and Wifey was in the room resting, I decided to go down for a late lunch but I couldn’t eat much apart from a couple of mouthful of the sandwich I ordered. I felt lost for that brief moment – lost because what is next now? Have I a son now? Is that boy I saw just a few hours ago my baby boy? Am I even fit to be a dad? I tried to turn to prayer in the midst of all this and I found some solace in God. Soon after, I just regained my composure and shortly later the nurses brought Noah in for his first feed with the wifey. It was then I realised how blessed I was to have a child – something which not many people even get a chance.
Wifey’s family came over later that evening and I guess while I was really happy to see them – a familiar face, part of me felt once again sad – sad because my own family wasn’t really around. I guess I really needed some family support in the midst of all this; just like how my brother was there for me during our wedding day and the day after that. This time around I felt alone. While her family was there making sure wifey was okay and gathering around the baby and cuddling him, I felt sad and somewhat distant from that whole experience. There were instances I guess I felt I was told on “how to hold a baby properly” and let me just say having comments and being given direction on how to hold a baby can damage any new parent’s confidence. It certainly did for me in the beginning stages as I felt I couldn’t even hold my baby properly. Doubt slowly crept into my heart and I found myself feeling more distant from the whole experience – after all, I couldn’t even hold my own baby, what was the point of me being there. I felt like an invisible deadweight there. But at times I would catch myself thinking that maybe these are just early days and I shouldn’t be discouraged and that I should just take it as it comes.
Eventually, the three days at the hospital came to an end and it was time for us to finally head home. But before that, we had a small presentation before the blessed sacrament at the hospital chapel. That was a wonderful feeling having Noah being flanked by his parents and Godparents for that special moment.
Eventually, after the presentation service was over, we rode the cab back home to Wifey’s home and this too would be a start of another new adventure for us.
