9 and 1/2 weeks
9 and a 1/2 weeks – thats how long of a paternity leave i took to spend time with my family. At the start of the paternity leave, I honestly wasn’t sure when I was going to return back. I had originally planned to return to work around the 14th of July as I was eager to get started in my new role after nearly 2 months of delay. The clients were painfully slow and my firm couldn’t hold on to the designated analyst that we had proposed for the project. And so by the 2nd week of July, it was clear we would have had to let our analyst go to another project. With this news, that would also mean I would probably only start my project towards the end of July.
Or so I thought.
During the start of the paternity leave, I found myself spending a whole lot more time with my N and H. More than I would have anticipated. I didnt think I would learn so much from my kids during this period, espcially about life, the value of family and just my presence as a Dad to them. I didnt know how just showing up everyday and doing mundane daily school runs would bond us so much during the course of my paternity leave. We even had our daily predictable routine – I would park the car at USq mall and walk over and pick the boy from school and we would have lunch in the mall before perusing the bookstore or toystore while waiting to pick up missy.
And picking up missy was also routine – at 2:30 I would walk over to her school and wait in line to get and her and be greeted by one of the most biggest smiles I could ever get! That was really one of the highlights of the day. Evenings were spent either cycling or just chilling with the kids at home over board games. I even used the opportunity to install a kid-friendly seat on the bike so missy can just sit between me as we go cycling.
9 and 1/2 weeks is probably the longest time I have been on paid leave. And it was not only unexpected, it was also something I didnt really prepare for. Its one thing for us to be a party of 5 now, but I was also wrestling with issues at work – I had gone back and forth within my heart to understand whether I had made the right decision to come back to my old workplace. In some ways, I felt the instant regret on day 1 – while things were familiar for me, I felt uneasy being back. I started missing my old workplace but I also felt it could just be me feeling the blues and just having “withdrawal symptoms”. But as the weeks went by, and compounded by the fact my project was delayed (the project I initially agreed to work on and come for) I felt slightly disheartened. But I told myself I would focus on the baby – that was what was in front of me – our baby L.
The 2nd half of july was marked by a welcoming distraction – Arsenal’s tour of Singapore. It was a much needed distraction and I got the chance to even meet some of the players thanks to some tickets that my community member won from Adidas. It was truly a memorable period for me – to see the footballers up close and to bring N for his first football matches and let him go nuts in the stadium! It also revived my love for the football club and further sealed my loyalty (not to say it was ever in question!) It was also during this time I began to see my role as a dad becoming more prevalent – not just spending fun tims with them and doing fun things – but also seeing to N’s school work and helping him out with his school work and teaching him math. It was challenging and rewarding at the same time to coach him but the satisfaction of knowing whn your kid has finally understood a concept is truly remarkable. I would use chatGPT to help me create practice questions on those areas N was weak in and help him practice and build up his confidence. I found so much joy in watching him thrive with encouragement and affirmation.
When the final week of July loomed around, it appeared that things at work was still not settled – the clients had not gotten ther approval from management or I think they were in the midst of getting the approval and so when July 31st rolled around, I got news that I would not start on Aug 4th, which was a monday. I was told it would take another week and I can carry on taking my paternity leave. Wifey was over the moon with the news because that meant she had more of her hubby around. We ended going for more lunches after dropping H at school, often frequenting a neighbourhood Korean restaurant for some kimchi army stew noodles. It was a much needed time for both of us as we could share our thoughts on life, our kids, parenting, my work and my journey plans to return back to my firm.
The whole time during my paterntiy I thought alot about my previous workplace. Yes I have written extensively about how I didn’t like the fact I wasn’t growing professionally even though the money was good, and how I would be happier with better colleagues in my current place – but thre was still something I realised that had changed which I had not factored in – my kids needing me more. You see, a year back, I felt my kids were younger and they weren’t around me as much. In fact it was mummy that would take them out on trips to GBB and do fun activities with them while I stayed at home and worked. I just felt the kids were better off with mum than they were with me. Little did I know that as they continue to grow, they would need me, like ACTUALLY NEED ME in their lives. And about this time I began discovering this was around the same time I was switching jobs. We knew my current job would be more demanding, but what I didnt factor was my kids would also demand of me. And I felt it throughout my time back in my current place. And I wondered if I had made the mistake of joining back.
“Maybe this paternity will give you perspctive” heavily pregnant wifey would often tell me. I certainly hoped it would as I wouldnt know what I was in for.
And the perspctive came through my children. This was also the time I began spending more time with God in prayer. I was tuning in more to Him and also seeking guidance and counsel. And so towards the end of July, as I was gearing up slowly to return back to work in August, I mulled over the idea of just connecting back with my ex-boss to see if they would be a way back for me. With wifey’s encouragement, I reached out to my ex-boss and asked for a time to chat which he graciously accepted and so a time and date was proposed. I was over the moon as I didnt think it would have happened and given that I had been granted another week of paternity in the 1st week of Aug, I quickly took the opportunity to speak with my ex-boss and the conversation was great. He was open to the idea and was happy to have me back and told me he would work out something as there would be projects coming in. I felt so at ease and at peace. Perhaps this was what God wanted to direct me all along – for me to learn this roundabout way about what truly matters in life.
The experience I had gained during my paternity was truly spirit filled and something God had designed just for me. To end off my paternity with a conversation with my ex-boss was something I had certainly not anticipated at the start of the paternity. But I am thankful God made the way, and I chose to respond to the graces He gave to me. And so, with my paternity leave coming to an end (yes I finally will start work tomorrow with my customer), I am glad to have experienced all these events in my life. Its definitely work documenting this down for rememberance and keepsake.
One day I will look back at this entry not with regret, but with a smile and fondness, knowing that nothing goes to waste with God.
