Dear Mum

Dear Mum,

It’s been a while I know. How are you doing? I hope things are fine with you. Of course it would be fine, you’re with the Creator now! How good can it get right? I wonder what you are upto these days over there. Are you still busy running around like how you used to be when you were here? Remember how I used to tag around with you whenever you had your school meetings? I would just sit in your office and read those kiddy books. I must say, that now when I look back, I thought your idea of starting a small library in your office so that the kids can improve on their comprehension and reading skills was brilliant!

And that’s what I miss you most I guess. Your brilliance to look into matters and figure out how to solve them. You somehow always knew what to do, and the right words to say. No matter the situation, no matter the ambiguity, you were always there to share your wisdom with me. I sometimes wonder mum, whether in your heart you really knew and believed whatever it is you told me to do. I mean, did you ever doubt yourself? How did you manage those “grey” moments in life?  I have my grey moments every now and then, more so now than before because I think as you grow older, life gets more complicated…doesn’t it?

How am I doing with food? Mum, come on, you know I never like to eat alot anyway. Why? I don’t know, I guess from small you’ve always known that I am a poor eater. Not to say I don’t like to eat, but…yeah I do miss your home cooked food. Remember how we would sometimes go into the kitchen and peer and see what vegetable dish you made?  Or how we would come to the kitchen and smell the aroma and ask you the stupid question “mum, what time is lunch?” I really do miss your cooking mum. And I can safely say, no other person’s cooking can rival yours…except maybe your sister’s….kidding kidding!

My friends are doing fine. I’m not sure whether I did tell you about them, but in any case some of them have come to also see you before at the hospital when you were ill. Do you still remember them? Yeah some of them left, got new jobs, some left to study, but most of them are still around. We do hang out from time to time, but I guess much less now, given my commitments have work have gotten more (we’ll get to that shortly!) and my responsibilities have increased.

Ah the joys of advancing in your career isn’t it mum? I remember how you too started out as a normal kindergarten teacher, and you were promoted to Headmistress back in Kelantan ; and only to find yourself starting again as a kindergarten teacher when we moved to Penang. How did you take it, I sometimes wonder. Did you ever feel that it was a step down for you? But nevertheless in your own way, you still rose to the top I guess accepting that position of a principal at Y kindergarten. When I look back now  as an adult, I can really appreciate your drive and your ambition to transform that school which you inherited into one of the best schools in Penang. Remember mum, how some kids at times would just call your name out in the supermarket whenever we went shopping?

How’s my work? Well I am sure you heard I got promoted right? Yeah that happened last year. It was quite a monumental moment for me, because, well I just didn’t believe it would happen, lest of all people to me! It was hard at first though. Remember how you told me to think about my decision and evaluate and see if it’s a good choice to make when you were in bed at the hospital? I had just told you I had been offered the position and you were telling me to think about it carefully. Well shortly after you went, I started out in the new company and I had to admit, the first 3 months were difficult. Thankfully you had raised 2 other good sons whom were really there for me. I would often come back and talk to them about my work and the frustrations, and they would advice me to just hang in there. In a way, I guess that too is what you would have told me to. I missed your wisdom during those moments. Work now is carrying on just fine. I’m doing somewhat well I would think. Yeah it has its ups and downs but I am sure you too would have felt that at the Y when you were the principal over there. You know mum, sometimes I wish we could actually swap work-related stories. Hehe you were always the one that loved to share about your experiences and sometimes I wish I was still around to learn a thing or two about you. These days I find myself reading more and more books to understand better about life and work and all that stuff. But I just wish I had you around to also tell me stories. Remember how when I first started out work in Big Blue and I would come back home from work and tell you about my day? Or how I would share with you what I learnt from my workshops and seminars? I miss doing that I guess.

Yes, I am sure you would want to know how my love life is. Somehow mum, we really never did get to talk about this that much did we? I mean sure you knew of Rachelle and all the other girls who at one point were interested in me, but I don’t know why somehow I never gave much thought to it at that time. Maybe because I too was just starting out with my work and just settling down in Urban Jungle KL and I was just trying to figure things out on my own at the same time.  Well I am actually seeing someone. Remember that girl from med school I once told you about? Try to think back mum, it was sometime in 2003 or 2004 when I was in Canada. Yeah that’s the one. Well things somewhat worked out between us this time around and we’re both really happy about being with each other. I did tell Dad about it and he seems alright with my choice. I know you too were alright with it as I remember you once told me how it was so nice of her to call me up in the hospital when you were undergoing your surgery and find out how you were doing. Well yeah mum, she is indeed a very caring girl. Very warm and loving. And that’s what I have always longed for in someone. You know, she would ring me up everyday after work just to “check in” on me. I think it’s things like this that makes you really appreciate the other person more isn’t it? I know you too would have longed for things like this from Dad, but yeah I guess in that sense, not everyone is like that. I learnt actually alot of my relationship experiences from observing you and Dad. Growing up in your household, I saw the pain and suffering you went through as a result of having a husband who was not very affectionate and who was more interested in his own affairs. It must have been hard for you mum. Yeah, sometimes I wish we could still openly talk about these things. As I myself prepare for marriage I wish you were still around to give me some advice. I now turn to the 2^nd one for advice, as he being the only married one in the house. But I really did wish you were around to share with me your wisdom. It’s not easy at times, but I guess you would probably tell me that no relationship is ever perfect and I should learn to be also more patient and loving to her. Did you know that we also pray every other night? Yeah that’s something really wonderful mum!  I sometimes do tell her that I wish she got the chance to meet you. You would love her mum. She has that wonderful smile that just makes you feel so at ease.

Well that’s all I have to say for now. I am really looking forward to seeing you. I thought it would be good for me to just take some time and reflect what is I have been going over the last few years. We are all doing fine here, sometimes we three do think of you, although we don’t openly talk about it. I know the elder one has mentioned you a couple of times and it’s nice to talk to him about you. We would reminisce about the times on how we would come back to Penang and surprise you or how we would look forward to your cooking. He feels he lost his best friend in you, and you know, I can see why he said that. You were also always there for him too. More to him as a friend, then a mom. To me, haha, being the youngest and all, you will always be my mum and my chatting partner! Oh how I missed those chatting days where I would just creep into your room and we would talk until late into the night about life and issues. You were really a wonderful companion. Remember how you would wait for me to finish my classes in college and you would pick me back and I would tell you about my day?

That’s why whenever I listen to that song Because You Loved Me I often tear up. Because it reminds me so much of you and how you always were there for me, something which I hope to emulate and be that same person to my wife and kids. Have you heard of that song mum? Ask Jesus about it, I’m sure he knows that song!  Even though it’s been 3 years, I really look forward to the day when I will see you again. I don’t know whether I ever got the chance to say thank you to you for being such an awesome and loving mother. You are certainly my role model and even though you’re no longer with us, you’ll always be in my heart.

I love you…always

Your loving son