My friend once remarked to me about how there are more girls who are sincere then there are guys who are sincere when it comes to relationships and particularly matters of the heart. And the number of girls out there who are sincere in wanting a serious relationship sometimes does seem that is equivalent to the number of guys who just want to fool around. Otherwise how would you explain the number of stories you hear about girls, good sincere girls finding out their boyfriends cheated on them? It sure feels like something does add up when you think about it.
I started researching as to why guys cheat. I was curious to know what the experts felt and I was quite intrigued when I saw the top 9 reasons that men cheat. Of course some people of different quarters would argue that women too cheat as well and that they are no saints either, but we ALL know that the likely hood of a man to cheat is significantly higher.
And I think perhaps this phenomenon (where a study done which showed that 4 in 10 men cheat) would possibly could be attributed to the way society has viewed women, particularly the WAY society has allowed men to view women ; as mere objects of desire and lusts.
I mean how many times we have heard of a man who is considered to be accommodative and loving to his wife be labelled as “sissy” or “Mr Insensitive”? Heck I remembered when I was working in my early days , we used to joke around about how one of my married colleagues always had to ask his wife for “permission” to go out with his friends. Such guys we would often label them as being “domisticated” and not “a real man”.
To me though, I think it takes ALOT more effort and energy to be loving and kind to your loved one. I didn’t quite get this point until I saw my brother’s own marriage and over the course of time I began observing his behaviour. At first it used to irk me to see that he would always need to get his wife’s permission, but over time I saw that the relationship with his wife was actually quite healthy. They did have their disagreements, but often time they would be quite happy together (at least whenever I saw them). My brother once told me that “keep your wife happy, and everything will be just nice!”, and this was even echoed in the latest Transformers movie where Witwiky Sr tells Witwiky Jr. to always keep the wife/girlfriend happy and things will be better.
But that’s the difference in today’s society. Men have kinda forgotten that. To them, the pursuit is always the fun part, but once the pursuit is over, things become boring and mundane. As the research from the article confirms, men begin to find sexual satisfaction outside of marriage.
It’s not easy to maintain a marriage. As I am just humbly moving to my 4th month of my committed relationship, these are the truths that I am coming to terms with. But still I think that’s where the effort needs to be there even more. And that’s where men fail. To men, spending effort in emotional needs is a waste of time. However I think it’s simply because men in general do not know how to communicate properly. To most men, a relationship is always a physical one, and yeah , definitely if your communication with your partner is just a physical one most of the time, it WILL get boring. It’s quite sad sometimes when I see family men in the supermarket who look so jaded and bored. When I see their faces, I sometimes wonder, “is marriage that bad?”
And that’s when I realise that marriage sometimes requires effort. It’s not always gonna be fun and exciting. There will be periods of downtime, periods of quiet time, periods of sans physicality but it’s important for us men not to give in to the temptation of looking elsewhere and playing with “fire”.
Apart from just making it work, I also think it has got to do with who men mix with. Like they said, birds of the same feather flock together, so likewise it would be for men who would have friends of the same mindset. It won’t rub off directly though, most of it would be in subtle manner. For example the kinda conversations that they have about relationships and women in general, the kinda movies they watch together. Eventually the kind of guy you become is actually a product of an environment that you are in. So picking out your married male buddies wisely I presume would help to some degree.
At the end of the day, nobody wants a failed marriage. Men by nature is not inherently evil. No man I believe would want to simply hurt their loved ones. But having said that, men should also have a greater responsibility in exercising judgement and choices.
Why ask for fire and burn your hands unnecessarily? You don’t also want to burn it to much until you have to amputate it!