Men are not all about sex


I just came back from watching the movie ,The Ugly Truth, with a good friend of mine. The movie basically revolves around this guy, who has his own TV show which primarily propagates on the fact that men are just about sex, and a woman should do everything to make themselves pleasing to men if she wants him.

Now whether the story is written in the sense to deliberately portray a typical alpha-male scenario is guessable, but the fact is, we know that some movies are made to reflect the current culture that we live in. Some movies typify the society that we are in.  And my firend, who watched the movie with me, (and who is a girl) also concurred with this fact. Most women actually DO think that men are just about sex.

I guess the problem herein lies in the skewed way of how women think men view love. To women, a man is said to experience love when it comes to sex. So while the common belief that a woman tends to associate love to an emotion, for  a man, love is equated with sex. Having sex is a man’s way of getting love.

Lust Caution!

Our culture today has blurred this line, so much so that we can’t really tell the difference between the two. We don’t really know which is which and how to spot one from the other.  There’s actually two folds to this and they both relate to one another :

Fold 1 : Absence of Love Leading to Lust

Hugh Hefner, Playboy’s founder once commented that the reason he founded Playboy was simply because he did not experience much love growing up.  This absence of love forced Hefner to look for love elsewhere, which led him to founding Playboy, where he could get all the ‘love’ possible. What was more disturbing and sad in some way was, Hefner’s love was a counterfeit, which was disguised in the form of lust.

Too often times we hear lonely young males who become addicted to pornography. While there are many reasons as to why this destructive habit is becomes an addiction to some, for the most part, it is because of lonliness, which means the absence of love.  People often think that women are the ones that long to be loved and cherished, but they often forget that males, guys also need this. Guys need to hear that they are being loved and that they are being cared, that they are being cherished.

Alas, society does not portray these messages when it comes to defining the man. Man is defined as someone who has dominion over his territory, someone who is designed to lead and control the environment around him, and this includes his woman.  Notice how society does not say that Man needs love, rather Man should control his woman, and that woman should satisfy his needs.

And so with all the sensitivity being given to the woman, Man suddenly is left to be the beast, the animal who only has his instincts, therefore if we reduce man to that level, the phrase ‘think with your pants’ becomes quite apt and therefore we view sex as just another physical need, which again becomes disguised in the form of love for the woman.

Fold 2 :  Lust becomes the new form of Love for man

So now, love becomes twisted in the man’s eye and heart, to man, love equates to lust equates to sex.  And because society points us to that direction, suddenly these equations become hard coded into our brains and male human makeup.

The idea of a male being sensitive and longing for love? – That is termed as gay and softy. And because man was not made to be a softy, we are then forced to be the beast who is in control of his destiny¸ and this  means engaging in sexual activity to fulfil our needs. By fulfilling our needs, we become masters or controllers of our destiny. We are in charge. We can engage in promiscuous sex with who ever we want simply because we are men and that’s what we think only about.

Sadly, sex is now merely reduced to something of an entertainment or mere physical gratification

Blindly Playing Along

Having just read all that, you would probably think that perhaps women would think abit different of men? – Hardly the case.  I once had a discussion with my female colleague on this, and she just phlegmatically commented that “all men are interested in is doing IT”.  So it’s not really just merely an Ugly Truth, it’s THE TRUTH (well according to women at least).

The Minority Group

While the perversity of sex is rampant in our culture today, as a guy (who has had his own fair share of dealing with sexual problems), I’m not here to ostracize all the males out there who think this way. Rather I want people, especially the ladies out there to know that there are actually guys who are not about sex at all. I’ve met such guys like this in my own walk of life, and trust me, these are guys who think with their minds and hearts, rather than with their pants.  We want to love a woman the way she is supposed to be loved. We want to also be loved by them and just as we cherish them, to also be cherished by them. We want to lead them, to protect them and to serve them.

Nice guys somehow…will finish last

I guess no matter how much I try to stress that there such amazing and wonderful guys out there to encourage and give some hope to the women out there, I guess a part of me will always think that ‘Nice Guys will finish Last’. It has nothing to do with one’s self-esteem, rather I think it because women at times don’t know what they really want.  They think they do and so they pass up opportunities when a great guy comes along, not even bothering to give the guy a chance to see if things will ever work out, rather simply admitting that “I don’t think this will work out”… for some reason, women (and also man for that matter) are always looking for something else, when sometimes, the right person is standing right in front of you.

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