A few months back I wrote about how I struggled with some issues at work and I was finally out of the woods. Back then I thought the worst was “over” in some sense, but I would come to realize that I actually had more unresolved burdens that I was carrying.
It all started on Friday night when I met up with a good friend from my recent men’s group over dinner. I was at my wit’s end and I was almost falling apart, but I couldn’t see it outwardly. My burdens, though not many, were extremely heavy, and it was getting to me spritiually, emotionally, mentally and even physically. I was struggling to keep up with work demands, I was neglecting family (again) and I was struggling with the faith (despite embarking on an audacious 3-rosaries-a-day mission). I found myself collapsing day by day. The frequent meetups that we were hosting with our friends in the evenings were also getting to me. I was getting tired and jaded.
Till one day, I just texted the brother (aka the good friend) to let him know that I may not be able to make it for the weekly prayer sessions. It was getting too much for me and I needed to deprioritize some of my activities.
We met up and had a good open heart-to-heart conversation. Through my conversations with him, I began to have this internal thought that maybe I am just putting this pressure all on my own head – that I am creating this weight on my own.
The thought lingered with me over the next few days till the point that that as it became more difficult at work, I was getting more and more irritable to the point that the wifey and I had a major argument in the course of the week. It was nothing major, trivial matters, but exacerbated by the irritability that I was beginning to feel.
I realized then I can’t go on living life like this – I can’t go on carrying these man-made and self-produced burdens in my life till it starts affecting not only my emotional and mental well being, but also those around me, especially my family. I had to give these burdens up.
And so I decided soon after my encounter with my brother that I would start giving up these burdens. It didn’t come easily or overnight but it was a transformational process largely thanks to my the rosary and just beginning to learn how to surrender this back to God. And I realized as soon as I had lifted up these burdens, the load did become lighter – I found myself beating up less about myself and learning to tell my heart that there’s only so much I can do and I should just surrender this. In essence, along with prayer and faith, I also began to change my mindset.
It has been a couple of weeks since I have begun adopting this new way of looking at things. I gotta admit there are days it is easy and some days, it gets tough. Those tough days are filled with either complacency (yes complacency because I become too lax about things) or some difficult moment or doubt which forces me to regress to my old patterns of thinking. The important thing I suppose is to keep going at it. Keep surrendering and keep reminding myself to adopt a more trusting and relaxed mindset while building up some form of mental resiliency to avoid regressing back to my old self.
Note – this is a dated published post.