A Confession To Remember

June 19th, 2010 The author

Lord Have Mercy

As I stood in in line today to wait for my turn for Confession, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me through all the less-than-good things I had done over the course of the last couple of weeks. The irony is I don’t usually do this as I often make a mental note of the sins I plan on confessing (no it’s not a planned confession, it’s a more…organised confession I guess ) . I don’t know what made me ask the Holy Spirit this time around…

Anyway the whole “jolt” came when I was in the confessional booth. As I had finished declaring my sins and waiting for my retribution, the priest suddenly asked me “what had compelled you to come for confession today?”

WHAT??

Here I was hoping for a “sin no more, go your way” routine from the padre, and he actually turned to ask me that question. Man I was so not ready for it, and I didn’t know what to honestly say. My mind hurriedly skimmed through whatever I knew about confession - give the priest the textbook answer

“I guess I don’t really want to be seperated from God, I realise how important he is in my life and I really need Him..”  I chocked up a meek reply as I look squarely at the hardwood below me, with my hands clasped together hoping Padre would be satisfied with my answer.

“And when did you last feel God’s love for you?” came back the reply.

By now I was done fighting with myself ; the urge to give textbook answers just disintergrated. I didn’t like giving textbook answers anyway.

“Since my last confession Fr.” I replied humbly with my head low, feeling ashamed of myself that in just a couple of weeks I had forgotten about our Lord’s great love.

“Well then….” Padre continued. “I want you to remember that feeling you had, that love you had for God and I want you to hold on to it, and remember it and ask God to give you the grace to love Him again”.

I swore the weight of my shoulders flew up as soon as he said those words! I don’t know why but I felt so much as peace. As he gave me the absolution, I felt my chains being lifted. And more importantly, I slowly began feeling God’s love in me.

I guess wonderful and miraculous things do happen when you ask the Holy Spirit for guidance! He gives you more than you can ask for! This is certainly a confession to remember!!

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Humbling Experiences…

June 5th, 2010 The author

The last couple of weeks, though it may have been quiet on my blog, have actually been the most thought provoking moments in my life. Ever since I joined my new project, things have been… well rather hectic, so much so I have kinda lost my footing in life. The hectic pace, the adrenaline rush which I have had almost night after night as I burnt midnight oil completing work assignments have left me exhasperated, and also made me wonder.

These experiences over the last couple of weeks have allowed me to really take a good look at myself – both my professional life and also my personal life, and boy have those two areas taken a strong beating over the last couple of weeks.

Well, beating is abit too harsh I should say, but definitely these experiences have had a profound (not necessarily pleasant though!) impact on my life. For the first time, I actually took time to reflect on myself, and that’s something really worth the time, a valuable experiences because you learn so much about how far you have come, the mistakes you have made, and what you can do to be a better person or employee the next time around.

But yes, the experience is painful, and humbling if more than anything. But uncannily , I do welcome the suffering and the pain, despite wallowing in all my complaints and exhasperations, pleading with God when the storms will end and also cajoling my soul to just wait it out and peserve. 

I take lots of comfort though, in knowing that God actually sees me through those sufferings. The other day I was just reflecting on this verse, and it bought a sort of comfort and assurance to my heart:

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it

Can I hear an AMEN to that?

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Lenten Season…

February 21st, 2010 The author

The last Wednesday marked the beginning of lent in the Church’s liturgical calender ; a season where we prepare our hearts and minds for the passion, death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior. Lent is typically marked by a season of penance, where recall our thoughts and minds of all the misdeeds we have done and we also prepare our hearts to celebrate God’s gift to us (his son and the Resurrection) by offering up sacrifices.

Sacrifices typically can come in all ways, mostly people opt to fast and abstain from meat or food. For me, what I’m doing for lent is quite simple ; I am going to plan to say the Rosary on my knees for the next 40 days.  This exercise will not only help build up my spiritual stamina, but it will also give me that much needed time of prayer. I am also planning to go for daily mass, at least once or twice a week.  This is actually the first time I am making a conscious effort to do something during lent. Usually, lent for me basically means more activity in Church – i.e Way of the Cross. 

So far it has been rewarding. The fact that I make it an effort to say the rosary on my knees helps me focus more on God, and less on earthly things. The pain I get from my legs help me in a small way offer up my sacrifice to Christ. Like I said, this is the first time I am perfoming any sort of mortification  (Don’t get hung up by  THAT word, even a simple fast or abstaining from sugar in your coffee is also considered mortification!) and it has been really good.

Anyway I just hope and pray I can continue this on until Easter

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