And so I’m a year older now
As last week began, I didn't realize that my birthday would be fast approaching; that I would turn 25 by the end of the week. In fact I was too engrossed with my recent Nikon D60 DSLR purchase (it was my birthday gift for myself!) I didn't really think about the implicit implications of me turning 25.
It only struck me today morning when I woke up. I realized that time is running short on my plans of returning back to Academia. Each day, day by day, the clock ticks and my plans to materialize my post graduate research ambitions draw closer. It doesn't help that I haven't even started studying for my GMAT exam. It doesn't help that all I've done this year (well at least for most of the time) is look at prospective universities over and over again, and not do anything solid or concrete about it.
It doesn't help the fact that I also recently jumped jobs, and I must admit, the adjusting period is taking longer than expected due to the fact I'm not really assigned to any project yet!! There is some anxiety every single night when I try to recollect my last thoughts of the day. The ambiguity that I face at work sometimes affects me. If there's something new that I've learnt about myself, it's probably the fact that I CAN'T STAY IDLE.
So the day greeted me with a sort of a dawning thought.
"What are you doing? Whatever happened to your post graduate plans?"
"Are you even remotely interested in pursuing PG and being in academia, or is it just too hard for you now?"
These thoughts kept me pondering. I wonder where did my zeal to fulfil my dreams go? Did it go along with mum? Or the alluring fact that I've established myself comfortably over here and the thought of uprooting myself and travelling halfway across the globe to pursue some possible childish dream seems too daunting and overbearing?
Why not just settle for a simple life? Why chase after some dream you had as an undergrad?
I want to pray and sleep on this tonight.
the GMAT sucks…and I can’t do anything about it!
Part of my preparation of returning back for masters involves taking a graduate admissions test called GMAT, mind you only if you're planning on studying in North America, this admission test is required, and frankly, right now I'm in the midst of preparing for it, and truth to be told, it's not going well. I've just started my MATH review in Algebra (yes you read that correctly, ALGEBRAAAA!), one of the many math topics that the GMAT exam covers. It's just going bad, bad, bad, I guess it's been a long long time since I've really done math questions. No no these are not even undergraduate level algebra questions, they're pretty straightforward, the main isuse here is when it comes to Data Sufficiency, that's when it becomes a real pain. I attempted 10 DS questions today and I got a shock of my life when I got all of them wrong, arrrrgh, I guess the reason being simply because I'm just not use to DS type of questions, it's really greek to me, and to answer it is quite a challenge!
The GMAT exam is definitely pissing me off, it's like every question I get wrong, I feel stupider, I know I shouldn't let the negative thoughts infiltrate my mind, but I can't help but sometimes think "You idiot! You can't even do MATH, how the heck are you suppose to do Masters?" That's the part that pisses me off, I mean I often find myself arguing back "What the freak does algebra and correcting a bunch of sentences gotta do with my research interests and my pursuit of higher knowledge?"
But I guess everyone's gotta go through it, as much as I think the GMAT is really a waste of my time, I have really no other options, I just want to get it over with I guess and move on.
Oh and my target GMAT score ? : 720 (97th percentile)
Yeah good luck yourself mate...
I have finally decided…
November 2005, I still remember the conversation I had with my professor in his office. We were discussing about my future plans. 4 months before that, I had been toying with the idea of a career in academia; I loved the learning environment, the research rigor, the intellectual challenges that university offered me. And so that summer, I gave some thought into pursuing academics. That summer season itself, I met up with 2 of my closest professors, and both positively encouraged me to pursue it, as they felt I was quite capable and had the potential to go into academics.
Fast forward 4 months later, just a couple of weeks before christmas, here I am sitting with one of the 2 professors I had seen to first express my interest in academics. I had explained to him that while I was still keen on pursuing on my academic endevour, I needed to take time off, to experience the working world, to see what the real business world is really like. I guess in part I too felt confident that I could get a very good job back at home given that I was ranked among the top 15% in my university.
MNCs sure would not have reservations of hiring a person of my qualifications.I felt. Yes I was hell bent only on joining a big name company. I wanted to only work for a MNC, nothing less, that was my sole reason of even wanting to return back and join the work force. Why? Simply because I felt the experience would be an extremely useful addition to my academic ambition. MNCs would give me greater experience and exposure to the working environment.
27 months have passed since I made up my mind to take a break from my academic ambitions. In those 27 months, I did many times think of my academic career plan, I did think about my professors, I would sometimes reminisce of the times I would spend hours in the library just reading up scholarly journals and scouting for articles I felt would contribute to my professor's research. (I had the rare opportunity of working as a research assistant during my final semester in university - a rare chance given to an undergraduate). There were times I wasn't interested at all of returning back to academia What on earth for should I waste my time when I'm already doing so well? A good paying job, a car, a plush condo, I have everything I want.
Very, very true. I keep saying that people would kill to be in my position, and this is just evident by the number of times I hear people telling me how blessed and lucky I am to have such a good paying job, and that too in a super duper lucrative field.
No doubt, how I even got into this field was all because of the Man up there, and He has indeed been kind; too kind I should say to me. I guess He really wanted to give me an opportunity to see what's really out there. And yes, it's wonderful (sometimes it sucky though, but then again....) , but yet once again I find my heart yearning for what I had once dreamt about some time ago. The intellectual adventure still lures me, the pursuit of graduate studies continues to entice me, so much so after being in the workforce for almost 2 years now, having lived the life of a corporate employee, I've decided it is time... time for me to return back to my roots, to my first love,
Academia
Author's thought : You know, this has come as no surprise, as I still have this inkling toward management books, and books/articles relating to my academic interest, that is Organizational Behavior and Theory. I still find myself hovering over the Management isle at Borders of MPH and requesting the retail assistants to unwrap books covered with titles such as Management, or Organizational Theory or Behavior at the Workplace.
And yes, that MNC comment above was somewhat 80% true, not all MNCs will hire you just cuz of your grades!
