I didn’t’ think this year’s Christmas would be a difficult time for me personally. The last time I had experienced such a “bad” Christmas was nearly 8 years ago when I was recovering from a pretty brutal breakup that left me very wounded. Although this year’s Christmas was not as bad as the one I experienced in 2011, there was definitely less of a festive mood from my end.
From dealing with a number of personal and family setbacks, I headed into December feeling as though a big millstone had hung around my head. Not that I want to dwell on the difficulties we faced in the last couple of weeks, but it certainly did have an impact on me to the point I was actually loathing this day in some ways.
I think there are multiple factors that really affected my Christmas this year. Apart from the personal setbacks, I mentioned earlier and in other posts, the fact that I don’t have a home to celebrate Christmas with my family really bothered me – I felt as though I couldn’t provide a decent Christmas experience for my family.
Don’t get me wrong, the house is coming nicely up according to plan and schedule but for some reason…it feels long. I have shared this sentiment with the wifey before and she too echoes it at times. It does feel long at times, especially when things got difficult and challenging for us.
Yes, the house renovation is probably one of the big factors affecting me for this year’s Christmas. By right we were supposed to get things done by December and yet due to unforeseen delays, it impeded everything and caused our house move-in to be delayed by close to 1 month. That’s hard to take when you have a little toddler to also be mindful of and hoping he doesn’t create too much disturbances in our current temporary abode.
But yet, this year’s Christmas is not lost on me. Listening to the homily today (I didn’t serve on the EMOHC team this year), I felt God was speaking to me – reminding me that even His own son didn’t have it easy. The first Christmas was marred with obstacles after obstacles; from an unwanted pregnancy to planning a covert plot to divorce a betrothed in private, to making an arduous task to guide a heavily pregnant spouse across a harsh journey, thinking he would be able to provide a good home for his new family, in a familiar territory only to realize there was no room in the inn and he had to settle for less, in an animal shed.
And yet, Joseph did what he had to do. He provided his family with whatever means he could. And through his obedience – even though at times he didn’t understand it or when he relied more on his feeble human plans, he brought his family through safely. And I believe that’s my lesson for today, this is what I need to learn this Christmas. That I can hope in God, that all God asks is I do my best, that I be patient and steadfast with God. Because ultimately, at the end of the day, God will prevail and he will guide me through this. And I don’t have to rely on my wit and intellect – I don’t have to worry about whether I will get promoted, whether I will have another child, whether I will have enough money to support my family. At the end of the day, God will provide and see me and my family through.
This is indeed one Christmas I will remember for many years to come.
p.s – yes my blog is back and alive. I had some major issues but thankfully all were resolved fairly quickly. I am trying to see how I can secure my site better.