Looking Back, Moving Forward Part 2
This continues from Part 1
In August I had quit my job in Big Blue, accepting the position as management consultant for the company I had applied for in January. In a way it was a welcoming change; picking up the pieces and starting afresh in a new company. I was sad to leave my old company, but I knew it was time for me to move on and do something more relevant an in line of my field.
Nevertheless it was a good ending for me in Big Blue. I had planned on leaving with a high note, and I would like to think that the emails and well wishes I got from my superiors, both from the office and also from the ASEAN headquarters confirmed this intended wish. Many thanked me for my dedication and work for the Network Team, and it was wonderful taking in that feeling of appreciation and recognition.
However in September things were not shaping as well as I thought it would be, work at the new place was different. For the first couple of weeks it was all good ; I was learning the ropes of the new place and reading up as much as I can on the company’s operating principles. However one thing that really caught me off guard was the extensive, or I could say the maniacal use of PowerPoint. I never knew or would have guessed that PowerPoint would be such a crucial element in management consulting. It was an eye opener, a painful one that too as I had to struggle everyday with coming up with PowerPoint slides for my project.
Thankfully though I wasn’t in that project for too long, and by October I was reassigned to another project where I would be a training consultant. The project is still on going and I must admit, I am happy where I am. I love the people I work with and although the job can appear mundane at times, it’s the people in my project that keeps me going.
In December, my uncle and his family from Canada spent Christmas with us. He was unable to attend mum’s funeral in July and that’s why this trip was important to him. Perhaps, like anyone else, he needed closure with Mum. For him, and rightly so, spending time at mum’s grave was the pinnacle moment of his visit. He was very close to her, and seeing him spend more than 2 hours with Mum at the cemetery was enough to justify it.
Just a couple of weeks back as the new year began looming in the corner, I began pondering on how 2008 has been for me and what do I want from 2009. Earlier today I accidentally stumbled upon a prayer my brother had printed out.
“Why O god, did you have to take Mom away?” He writes in one of those lines in the prayer.
With such childlike innocence I felt that question was asked. I too sometimes want to ask God that, although many times in my prayer life with God, I hardly bring up Mom. Not because I’m a coldless ungrateful son who doesn’t give shit about anyone else except himself, rather it’s because I feel it’s pointless at times. There are many things I can use to fight against God. I sometimes want to give God a piece of my mind.
Note : This is a back-logged entry
Looking Behind, Moving Forward Part 1
There’s a saying that goes like this.
“We look to the past to learn and reflect from it, we look to the future to anticipate and prepare for it, however we live in the present”.
If anything, 2008 has been a life-defining moment for me. The year began with an application for a management consulting position for a company I’ve heard so much about, and felt it was about time I started moving closer towards my line of field. Then came someone from the past whom I once broke her heart and now was looking for a way to get back together, because I missed her dearly. However it never did materialize, maybe it was for the best after all.
Then came the unsuspecting news that would go on to define 2008. It began as an unusual abdominal pain in Mom’s stomach. My brother, a doctor who kept a close eye on her when she underwent her first operation in 2007 suspected perhaps it could be reoccurrence. Scans, tests and the usual was done, however none of us suspected “The Big C” (as mum used to describe it) would strike again.
Unfortunately for all of us, this was not to be as my mother, whom I have often epitomized as a lioness in the family had succumbed to another cancer; this one much deadlier than the other. What followed subsequently was a grueling and painful process, both for her and us. Her brother came down to spend time with her, and so did her sister. Being the eldest of the three, they too were shattered to see her in such a pathetic and miserable condition. To my aunt and uncle, she too was their lioness. From chemotherapies, to morphine, to UTI (urinary tract infection), mum battled it day-in-day-out. Time was running out for her, and we all knew it. No amount of healing hands from the various pastors that ministered to her, to the best medical attention she could get from the hospital would help her recover. She was going to pass away soon.
Finally on the evening of July 19th, she passed away. And of all people. I was the only one there to witness it, along with my brother. The lioness had been slain and laid on the bed, as her cubs watched her in agony and pain.
Probably the most painful moment for me personally came at the funeral mass, when I saw so many people turn up to show their love and respect for her and for the family. That’s when I broke down, in front of friends and family and cried as I was being consoled by some of them. Friends who knew mum for decades and had known me from a little boy. It was then I realized how much of an impact this mighty person made to just not only us, her beloved cubs, but to those around her. It was moving to say the least.
Note : This is a back-logged entry
