Of Patience, Passions and the Pursuit of the ‘Dream’ Part III

January 26th, 2009 The author

But being a TA solely didn’t quite justify the whole reason for me to give some serious thought into academia. When I reflect back, I feel there’s another part of my university career which until recently I have not thought much of: My interaction with my peers. Toward the end of my schooling career, I was told by my junior peers that they regarded me as an intelligent and hardworking guy.

I acknowledged that commendation and I feel there is some justification in those recognition words.  I loved interacting with peers who shared the same passion for the subjects and topics that I did in class. I still remember meeting one guy in my stats class who was I feel much more smarter than me and yet he was humble enough to work with me on solving difficult statistics assignments. We would often email each other whenever we could not solve the periodical assignments we were given. I still have those emails.

I also loved teaching and explaining concepts to my peers. As an economics major, I enjoyed explaining theories and concepts to my fellow peers during the mid semester exam periods. Until very recently, I had never realized that I loved teaching and explaining things to people. I had never imagined that I actually enjoyed the spirit of intellectual communion and fellowship.

One of the things I did as a final year TA for my students was actually posting up a ‘how to do well in this course!’ guide. It was a relatively simple guide but again, my love for scholarship and teaching was defined and molded in with the amalgamation of all those activities and university highlights I mentioned above. A journey of self discovery if you may, coupled with peer and external influence, and a deep sense of appreciation and love for scholarship is what lead me today.

As I re-read the recommendation letters my professors eloquently wrote for me, my heart resonates with joy, hope and determination. Two years ago my mom insisted that I make a scan of these letters and bring it to India to show my grandma. That glow in her face, as she read aloud the letters my professors had written to endorse me, I can never forget. The smile that she beamed when I told her that I want to become a professor one day has never left my memory.

It was an autumn day when I had the privilege to walk back with my professor to his car. It was my final semester in uni. I was already scouting the job market at home. He casually asked me what my plans were. He already knew by then of my desire to be a professor.

‘I think I want to take a break from studies and go and see the real world’.

‘Good…it will do you some good, it will give you the exposure…’ my professor replied.

‘But make sure you come back, don’t stay too long… it’ll be harder for you to return back to academia’.

I never forgot those last words… till today they still haunt my thoughts. They haunt because sometimes it’s difficult to just leave it all for the sake of scholarship.

But having said all that I said in these entries…. The only thing I can say now is: I’LL BE BACK!

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Of Patience, Passions and the Pursuit of the ‘Dream’ Part II

January 25th, 2009 The author

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But then I remember how badly I want this. I would imagine the consequence of giving this pursuit up just because it’s using up too much time and it’s not even going to be a sure thing, as compared to where I am at now. And I feel I just can’t afford to give up. Not now, not just yet. Fondly reminisce to the days where I would sit down in my sanctum. The one place where I feel so protected and shielded from the worlds of consumerism and materialism; The one place where I can unleash my talents to the fullest; The one place where I feel truly at home.

There are probably many out there who would easily label the library as the ‘boringest place on earth’, but to me, it’s at the library where I discovered a lot of myself and my interest. It was in part because of the library I inspired to be more academically inclined. To me, the library, the source of wealth and knowledge became my second home. And to be honest, I only had this inkling only toward the middle and end of my university career.

Fast forward 4 years later, and I find myself seeking the same shelter I sought during my years as a student. This time, not at a university library. Instead I find myself seeking temporary relief in bookstores. Although it’s nowhere near close to being in an actual library (library has tones of sitting areas, tones of computer-aided searchable archives and catalogues), it does provide me some relief from the outside world.

Oh and being given the chance to be a teaching assistant for two years, an activity that played pivotal role in shaping up my future destiny is also something I hold close to my heart. Little did I know when I took that position nearly 5 years ago, it would actually pave way for my future ambitions. I really can’t accurately recall what got me interested in being a TA in the first place. I guess it was perhaps I enjoyed the subject and I did well in that particular class which naturally led the professor to selecting me and a bunch of other bright students to be his Teaching Assistants for the following semester.

I continued being a TA for that course until my last semester in the university. The relationship I had built with the professor has gone beyond the classroom and the workplace. I still remember being invited for my first ever Christmas party to his place. It was a monumental moment for me, a proud achievement in an uncanny way. Being able to mingle with his colleagues and peers, (although I didn’t have much to talk about except school) , was an eye-opener experience for me.

So this how professors mingle and interact with one another. This is how they live their social and personal lives.

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Of Patience, Passions and the Pursuit of the ‘Dream’ Part I

January 24th, 2009 The author

2 days ago I got an email from a friend of mine informing a bunch of us that she had arrived safely in Philadelphia. A couple of days before that, we were celebrating her farewell party. It was perhaps the last time some of us were going to see her. A few days before the farewell party, I had a private lunch with her and she told me the whole story about how she’s been waiting for this exact moment for the last 2 years and it finally came through.

I sat down and listened attentively, as she narrated the whole story about how this whole getting a work visa for the US took place. Occasionally I would nod my head, sometimes let out an affirming smile to acknowledge and share her joy. She attributed it a lot to God; sharing with me on how God had a purpose for her over these 1-2 years as she reflected on why she was here, and why God had wanted her to be here, and not with her now-fiance in the US. She concluded that God had wanted to strengthen her faith that God wanted to show her that she can rely on Him, that He is as REAL as ever. I nodded when she suggested this  and I affirmed her as I knew that the pattern God was working with my friend was somewhat similar to mine when I had my conversion experience more than 3 years ago.
For sure it strengthened her faith, I remember meeting her the first day she joined our youth group and on the last day when we celebrated her farewell. She definitely has become closer to God, and that’s something that puts a smile on my face and gives me some comfort. Seeing people touched by God and having being rewarded for their faith and commitment to Him is just a testimony to me that He is still in charge of things.

However in the midst of all this happiness and suddenness, I felt saddened and I started to be a little dejected. No, it wasn’t so much that I was going to miss my friend, but rather I wondered

When will my turn come?

I have a few friends like this who have come back home for a while and later returned back to either Canada or the US. And I know some who are also in the ‘preparation’ phase; getting ready to leave. I am one of them who fall in this category.

But sometimes, I sincerely do wonder when my turn is going to come. Not that it’s not being planned out or anything like that, in fact the timeline has already been defined and is currently ‘on schedule’.

But I guess what’s bugging me is not so much whether or not I wish I could get the chance to go back, rather it’s more on ‘how long more to wait?’

To be honest I am sometimes bummed out. Just waiting and waiting, counting the months and the days, to just return back to Canada and resume my academic pursuits.  But sometimes it get tiring, sometimes I feel uninspired and demotivated. Not because of the money and the cost involved, rather sometimes I feel ‘is it worth waiting for it?’ .

I have put so ‘Stop signs’ on a couple of things in my life, primarily in getting involved in a relationship and settling down in a proper fashion.  I mean there are days I think ‘ahh to heck with it, I might as well just start living life properly!’

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